I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
