Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
