im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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