i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
