so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
