So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
