You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
