she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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