I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
