i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Randomize
