I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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