i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
