Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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