Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
