So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I wish I only lived at night.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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