I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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