I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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