i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
