How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
