I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
