Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
