i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
