im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
