2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I would fuck him just for his dog
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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