Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize