I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
