let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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