when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize