Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
