Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
