you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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