seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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