i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
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