Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize