Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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