I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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