something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
