I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
