Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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