You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
