That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
