i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
