I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
