i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
