I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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