I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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