we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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