So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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