She is in my trunk
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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