I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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