I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
3 2 1 whiskey
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize