So drunk its hurt
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
