Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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