the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
