As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
