I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
