I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
