I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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