Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
