I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
