arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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