Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize