It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
