My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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