We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
