You're so nebulous sometimes
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
