He is an equal opportunity slut.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize