I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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