Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
