I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
