WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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