Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Floor bacon is actually really good
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
