I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I wish there were birth control emojis
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
