it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
