I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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