I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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