I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
