I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
