I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
