just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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